What is self-love?

When you think of self-love, what is the first thought that you generally have – that it is selfish.

It is anything but that. Self-love is about truly and unconditionally accepting yourself the way you are while putting in effort to grow and become who you aspire to be. It is emotionally, mentally, and physically connecting with yourself. It is about fostering a positive relationship and taking care of yourself.

In a world where we are conditioned to not put ourselves first or where self-love is synonymous with selfishness, I feel the need to say that self-love is a universal right or the bare minimum that we deserve. Going beyond the clichés or just thinking of self-love as a catchy phrase, it is a commitment, to be there for yourself, recognizing your worth, trusting and forgiving yourself, and building a foundation to let yourself grow and be.

I wish that I could say that it’s like a flip switch where the next day you just start loving and accepting yourself, but it is a journey—one where every littlest of effort counts. It takes time, just like the time it took for you to start doubting yourself, speaking or thinking negatively about yourself, neglecting your own needs, not believing in yourself, and feeling uncomfortable in your own body.

Self-love starts with figuring out what the barriers are or what is stopping you from loving yourself. One important thing that I went through at the beginning of my on-going journey was self-realization. Though I had heard a million times about how important it is to love yourself before loving others, to embrace my flaws because they make me unique, or that your worth is not defined by others’ opinions and the fact that somewhere there is truth in them, these notions have been so oversimplified at this point that the difficulties faced by one are undermined. The thing is, we can love others before loving ourselves, but we forget about ourselves in the process. We should accept our flaws because we deserve freedom from the cycle of dissatisfaction and the constant need to meet unrealistic high standards.

The essence, or central point, is that you have to realize it on your own first. A million different people can give advice or guidance on this journey, and somewhere it may cause a positive impact, but when you want to work on yourself from within and realize the need for building this positive relationship with yourself, the impact of your efforts deepens, giving you the significant outcome that you deserve.

Also, a lot of times we hear that it is a solo journey or that one gets lonely as you focus on yourself. I would love to tell you that it is not true. You do not have to isolate yourself from the world. The much popularized “that girl” or “that boy” aesthetics where there is only one certain ‘ideal’ routine can lead us to compare ourselves and lead to feelings of inadequacy due to portraying inflexible standards of self-care. You just have to find activities that fill you up in a meaningful way and make you feel connected to yourself in a spiritual way.

We may feel some resistance in the beginning, but once you do start, there’s no stopping you. This is not to say that all of a sudden all your problems will be solved or that there will not be any days when you may feel otherwise, but on those days when you do feel low or see no way out, there will be one thing different than before: this time you will be there for yourself. You will be there to guide yourself and to take you on the other side all throughout the journey to the destination. This does not mean that you have to do it all by yourself or that you cannot take help. Taking help does not make you weak. You do not have to fit in with societal or cultural expectations of not seeking assistance. No one in this world knew everything when they were born. For example, just imagine. You call an interior designer at your home, and then you ask them to repair your refrigerator. How absurd this sounds! So, when no one has ever taught you how to love yourself or when you were repeatedly told that prioritizing or loving yourself is selfish, how can you expect yourself to know this already, irrespective of how old you are.

It may even feel weird or unnatural to think about it; when you smile at your reflection in the mirror, say positive things about yourself, are confident while doing what you want or even think for yourself but with time it becomes a bit more comfortable and free-flowing.

The heart of it is about forming a balance between being considerate of others while also thinking and taking care of yourself so you do not lose or sacrifice yourself in the process of “living.”

When you can be kind, understanding, compassionate and empathetic towards other people, I feel it is just to say that you do have the capability to love yourself, you just have to realize and find it within yourself. You deserve all the efforts you will put in just because you are alive and here. There are no conditions that you have to fulfil to consider yourself worthy however difficult this may seem to trust. I hope you find it in yourself to give yourself the grace to experience this.