What is love? The strong and caring feeling that you have for someone or something; the warm and fuzzy emotion when you really like someone or something; the deep connection you feel inside. You can feel love for a person, a pet, a hobby, or even a place, and if you can feel it for everything, then you can even feel it for yourself, but the question is: how? How do you experience this love?
Now, a lot of us might have heard of love languages, maybe through our loved ones, or when you ask the people you care about, about their love languages, or maybe even in a BuzzFeed quiz that is about finding your love language.
So, love languages are a concept that was introduced by Gary Chapman, and the idea behind this was the thought that all individuals express and receive love in distinct ways. We often think about this compatibility of love languages with others, but seldom with ourselves. We worry about the communication, connection, and overall satisfaction of the relationships we have with others, which is important, but we forget about the relationship that we also have with ourselves. In this post, I will talk about the five love languages and what are some activities that might help you discover your love languages.
1. Words of affirmation
This love language is about written or spoken words to convey your affection. In the case of self-love, this entails speaking, writing and even thinking of kind words for yourself. Our thoughts are very powerful. Even on our greyest days, one positive thought can change or shift our moods or state of mind in a way we generally do not consider it to. Now how can you go forth with this to experience love –
Offering words of encouragement and support
Acknowledging your efforts and celebrating your achievements
Sharing about your success
Complimenting yourself
Looking kindly at yourself
Smiling at your reflection
Positive affirmations
Working on your negative thoughts and changing them gradually
Thinking about the compliments you have received from others
Writing a letter to yourself
Talk about your strengths
Now, if you are just starting with building a positive relationship with yourself, first of all, you are doing amazing and no, it is not late to ever start with loving yourself. It can be a little difficult to change some thought patterns or the doubts that you have about yourself or feel that affection for yourself. you do not have to jump straight to saying “I love me” or words that might seem a little difficult or unnatural to say; but if you can then go right ahead, that is wonderful.
We will start with the smallest of things, baby steps. If you are having a hard time saying I care about myself or I love myself or any other words of affirmation, you can start with, I am taking care of myself, or I am trying to love myself cause if you even had a thought about searching for ways to develop self-love or you are actually spending your time reading this blog, that means you are putting effort and you are trying to take care of yourself. So do not belittle any of your efforts.
2. Acts of service
It involves showing love through actions and deeds that are gestures or taking care of yourself through nurturing actions. Basically, doing things for yourself that make you feel good.
Completing your errands (outside work) and chores (work at home)
Set boundaries to protect your time and energy
Practice self-care rituals like skincare routines
Delegate tasks that overwhelm you to reduce stress
Organize your room
Engaging in your hobbies
Make your bed
Discard or donate the things you do not need anymore
Plan an outing for yourself
Complete the tasks on your to-do list
Take help or therapy when needed
One thing that I have noticed in my journey is that sometimes these tasks feel too much on a regular basis. During those times starting with the smallest of tasks and smiling every time helped a lot. Like it sounds really dumb or you might wonder how that will help but every time I smiled while doing something that felt like a task gave me the feeling of enjoyment and empowerment that I was doing it for me. And the thought that I am important too and that these things mean so much to me was also helpful.
3. Receiving Gifts
This involves showering oneself with tokens of affection. The gifts you give yourself need not be grand; they just need to carry the weight of personal significance. They can even start with getting yourself little treats – be it a book, cookies, or bouquet. Let yourself feel your value and worth.
Buying the things you have wanted for a while now
Get yourself flowers
Your favourite book
Invest in items that enhance your well-being or personal growth
Create a self-care budget to allocate funds for yourself
“that” dress you want
A date with yourself (your favourite things)
DIY gifts for yourself
Gifts are not just for extraordinary occasions but if you are hesitating a little to get something for yourself, well then you are the extraordinary one and you deserve to feel pampered by yourself.
4. Quality time
This emphasizes spending meaningful and focused time by intentionally carving out moments for yourself. At times, a lot of us are afraid of this alone time for whatever reason – our thoughts, feeling lonely, having to think about our problems, co-dependency, or any other reason; you may think that you chose your alone time. It might help in decreasing the fear. Also, it is valid to feel this way, do not be too hard on yourself.
You can utilize this time as an opportunity to get to know yourself better and form that positive connection with yourself. Try to think of it as deliberate moments that you have chosen to hang out with yourself.
Go on a solo picnic or date
Cozy night with your favourite book
Cook yourself a meal
Journal
Pursue your interests and hobbies
Taking breaks from technology and social media
A ‘you’ day
A new hobby or activity
Create a vision board
A solo dance party
5. Physical touch
Expressing love through physical touch. Here we are talking about having a positive and loving connection with your own body. Do not neglect the needs of your own body, and pamper your body.
Give yourself a tight hug
Take warm showers or long baths
Go on a long walk
Gentle morning stretching
Walking barefoot on grass or soil
A massage
Wearing fabrics that feel comfortable on your skin
Scented lotions
Exercising
A spa day
Time spent in nature or outside
Now all of this can feel really overwhelming. The truth is you do not have to indulge in all of them, just the love languages that you feel most loved by and that fill you up in a meaningful way. You can even have more than one love language that resonates with you. For instance, my top love languages are physical touch and quality time, so I love to engage in activities that make me feel connected to myself and are a part of both like a long walk alone in parks or even sitting under the sun when it is breezy and not too warm. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. You can have one love language as your priority or a combination of some or many on their own. It is all about discovering what works for you.
One tip for this discovery is that we generally receive love in the way we give love. So, for example, if you really like to give gifts to people or long hugs there is a probability that your love languages are receiving gifts and physical touch respectively. Give yourself the time to explore all of these and here is a reminder be patient and loving with yourself.
Now it is time to integrate these into your daily schedules and give yourself the love and care that you deserve!