Attachment styles and social anxiety

I. Exploration of Attachment Styles

Attachment theory which developed by John Bowlby and further expanded by Mary Ainsworth shines the light on the importance of our basic need for security, comfort, and closeness in relationships. These attachment styles are shaped by early childhood experiences and significantly influence how we look at relationships and go about social interactions throughout our lives.

So, what are the 4 attachment styles?

1. Secure Attachment:

This is like having a blanket of trust and comfort in relationships. People with secure attachment styles feel confident in relying on others and expressing their needs openly. They see themselves and others in a positive light, leading to happy and fulfilling connections.

2. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment:

Imagine feeling like you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Individuals with this style are super sensitive to the fear of being left or rejected. They might cling to others for reassurance, always seeking validation and worrying that they're not lovable enough.

3. Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment:

Picture someone keeping others at arm's length, like they're wearing an emotional shield. People with this style downplay the importance of close relationships, preferring independence and avoiding deep connections. Expressing emotions openly can feel like climbing a mountain for them.

4. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment:

This style is a bit like a tug-of-war between wanting to get close and fearing getting hurt. People with this attachment style swing back and forth between seeking intimacy and pulling away out of fear of rejection. Trust and closeness are a constant balancing act for them.

Now, first thing first– do not start analysing all your relationships or yourself to find out your attachment style because chances are that you will be biased with yourself and probably may just acknowledge what you want to and ignore conflicting evidence. It is also possible that you may not be able to assess all unconscious factors of attachment on your own. If it sounded like I was being demeaning of your ability to know yourself, let me tell you that is not the case; here even we psychology students are advised to never use psychology on ourselves or make any sort of diagnoses. It is like a case of searching a disease on google and then looking at the symptoms and then somehow reaching the conclusion that you have brain tumor or probably are dying tomorrow (LMAO).

Let’s move on to understand then why did I tell you about these attachment styles when you cannot even use this information to reach about yourself.

II How Each Attachment Style May Contribute to Social Anxiety

1. Secure Attachment:

Individuals with secure attachment styles typically exhibit lower levels of social anxiety. They feel comfortable in social situations, confident in their ability to navigate interactions with others. They may experience occasional nervousness or apprehension in unfamiliar settings, but overall, they maintain a sense of ease and comfort in social relationships and exhibit high emotional resilience, which may act as a buffer against social anxiety or its symptoms.

2. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment:

Those with anxious-preoccupied attachment styles often display heightened social anxiety symptoms. They may constantly worry about how others perceive them, fear rejection or disapproval, and feel a strong need for reassurance and validation. In social settings, they may experience physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, or stomach discomfort. They may also exhibit avoidant behaviors, such as avoiding eye contact, withdrawing from conversations, or seeking escape routes all of which are symptoms of social anxiety.

3. Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment:

They may also struggle with social anxiety, although their symptoms may manifest differently. They may appear aloof or indifferent in social situations, masking their underlying discomfort with emotional detachment. They may avoid social interactions altogether or engage in superficial relationships to maintain a sense of control and independence.

4. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment:

Those with fearful-avoidant attachment styles often experience intense social anxiety symptoms due to their conflicting desires for closeness and independence. In social settings, they may exhibit erratic or unpredictable behavior, such as alternating between clinging to others and withdrawing into isolation. Their social anxiety symptoms may include feelings of dread or panic in social situations, difficulty trusting others, with a sense of loneliness or alienation.

The reason of proving all this information that might feel redundant to you is due to the task of re-parenting. Re-parenting is aimed at healing emotional wounds and addressing unmet needs from childhood by providing nurturing and supportive care to oneself as an adult. You're basically becoming your own loving parent, helping yourself heal from past hurts and feel better about who you are.

PS: I do not mean to insult anyone’s parents or parenting here. Even the children with the best of parents can face these situations and somewhere we all can have things we need to heal from. And I might start a series of reparenting blog where we will talk about giving ourselves the love and care we need in relation to our past experiences so that we can heal and grow together and comfortably be our most authentic selves.

Also, if any of you would like to take an online quiz or a test to find your attachment style, do not shy away from mailing us. We are here to help you! We can provide you with a link for such a quiz (reliable and valid; and has been used in research studies).